Thursday, April 20, 2017

My Life: Working my way out of depression

Since this is my blog for whatever I want to write about I am creating a series that will be me talking about my personal life. If you are not interested in that kind of thing then just look to see if a post title starts off with "My Life" and go ahead and skip it. This is mostly just for me to try take some time just to go over various aspects of my life, so this is more for me than anyone else.

In the past couple of weeks, and perhaps even further back, I have been feeling some symptoms of depression. It is hardly the first time I have experienced these so I at least knew what to look for this time around. Previously I thought it was just a part of my personality that I needed to correct so needless to say I never really did anything that helped in the long run. Since then I have gone to therapy and honestly it has been years since then that I felt like this.

Lately though my life feels like it is just stuck. That I am not doing anything of importance or useful and the goals I have set for myself are more like daydreams than anything actually attainable. This has caused my motivation to plummet and I have to fight with myself to do something productive. Even getting this written has been a few days worth of struggle.

Today I hit my tipping point and had a breakdown. It was something I was hoping to avoid as with it comes so much self-loathing. And it it is just frustrating as I know rationally those thoughts make no sense and should be ignored but that does not stop them from slithering in and trying to take hold.

So far the best method of dealing with this is distracting myself with just any activity. Not the easiest thing to do when motivation is an issue. And if I want to get better I need to face things more head on and find somebody to talk to that will listen.

It is terrifying to seek out help from others, as I have run into the issue of others not believing me when I talk about having a mental illness or brush off my problems as if my worry is just me being foolish. But I know I have to try. And writing this is helpful as in a way it lets me warm up and build some of the courage I need to speak up.

So I am going to take some calming breaths, take a minute or two to meditate to get my mind in a better place and go talk to someone. I just hope they will listen.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Tappity Click Click

I know I wanted to consolidate my blogs with this one but looking at how things have been playing out I have decided to create a new blog, Tappity Click Click. This new blog is going to be dedicated to the games that I play so I can post endlessly about them and not feel bad, like I currently am with this blog.

That said I plan on moving most of the game related posts from this blog onto the new one. If you want to keep following my game related posts you can find them at Tappity Click Click. I will also be posting things like gacha pulls and just being more in depth about the games I am playing over there.

I still want to have this blog be my main and be a mix of my interests. I just felt like the gaming posts I was making was overtaking the rest and with my Love Live Card Appreciation Project I know I am going to have plenty of content to keep this new blog going.

So please bear with me as I make the post transfers and hopefully I can focus better on getting more non-game related content on this blog as I have been wanting to.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Catching up with ANGERME

ANGERME is another group I have at least kept up with when it comes to their releases if nothing else. Which is probably why I missed the news of the addition of a new member.

From what I have learned about Kasahara Momona is that I have the desire to protect her from the haters. Honestly it surprised me to see so much dislike leveled at her, especially since she was only 12 years old. Certainly there is room for improvement but it feels like there are some that refuse to give her the chance to get better.

Kamikokuryo Moe is just precious in my eyes. She is so adorable and is fitting in so well with the rest of the group. Her performance level is getting pretty strong and she is comfortable enough with the other girls to move at the same pace of weirdness the group is known for.

It sadly is not smooth sailing for the group currently as one of the members, Aikawa Maho, is on hiatus for medical reasons. She has been diagnosed with panic disorder and is getting treatment for it. No word when she is expected to be back.

It is good to know that Maho is getting treatment and putting health before being an idol. H!P seems to be rather good with giving their idols the breaks they need to recover. Of course it is worrying on whether or not Maho is going to be able to return in the end.

ANGERME was a surprise to me with how much I liked the group but they have held my interest and I look forward to what the future holds for them. While I am still sad that one of my favorite members, Tamura Meimi, graduated I know she is following her dream and doing well so I am at peace with that.